I think undoubtedly one of the most difficult aspects of becoming an adult and learning to function like one, is adapting to the fact that grief is very much a part of everyday life.
Especially the grief of losing friendships.
Nothing has ever been more difficult for me as a learning adult, than to cope with the loss of a friendship- whether it was merely a result of distance or time eventually causing you to drift apart, or a full-blown fight made ugly with rumours and drama, or simply outgrowing each other and finding it better to love from afar, or the worst of all- being cut off coldly without any explanation or closure given that feels like it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life.
I’m a believer that friendships are so much more fragile than romantic relationships and a lot more complex to navigate. One second, it can appear that you’re on the same page, you have the same interests, everything is clicking and you’re being matched with a similar emotional investment and it can all come undone in seconds without it making any sense but still have such a deep, permanent impact.
Within the span of just these last four months, I’ve had friendships that broke so suddenly, it’s still a rude shock to my nervous system.
Some of them, I lost in realising that they were never truly friends in the first place- I remained important as long as I was someone’s partner and the minute that changed, the friendships also drastically changed. Suddenly I was forgotten and I stopped being called to hangout or found worthwhile enough to follow on social media.
Some I lost because I found close to no reciprocation despite being promised more consistent effort. Values didn’t align, efforts didn’t feel balanced, and time felt dragged to wait out.
Some, I lost without any explanation or understanding of what truly went wrong. It appeared that we were having a simple phase of not being able to make enough time for each other that quickly escalated into my presence being found repulsive enough to be cut out entirely.
It’s very easy to ask someone to focus on the relationships that are in fact in a good place and fulfil you every day, without making you second guess what you mean to them. But it’s incredibly painful and sorrowful to have to come to terms with losses that logically should not matter so much but emotionally demand so much of your undivided attention.
In my short life of 19 years, I’ve come to understand that while there are so many things out of your control, including the people who choose to walk out of your life, they still deserve to be mourned especially if they meant something to you.
Grief is rarely ever logical or tactful. It hits you to the extent that it needs to and nudges you to build a life around it anyway.
Most importantly, I’ve come to slowly understand that the presence of grief, is the presence of the surety of the extent to which you’re capable of loving deeply. It doesn’t matter if they deserved it, reciprocated it, felt it or understood it or not. It just means that you gave it a real shot and you went out swinging.
What are some of your insights surrounding grief and friendships? Share it with me in the comments below!
Take care, stay safe, and I’ll see you in my next post.
IWRITER 